When I turned to my funemployment, I was feeling a lot of things, for many months on end. Most of all, this sense of being completely bowled over and overwhelmed by movement and having to slice my time in unreasonably small pies that always left me asking for more. In over six months, five of which saw me gainfully employed, I have taken 12 flights, 9 trains, and 2 fairly long trips by road, touching nine countries. Yes. Allow me a minute to let this sink into my system.
Few of these were for family and related commitments, most were for travel with no real purpose except to travel. While I have been overwhelmed, I have also enjoyed the madness. From hills to beaches, from the great orient to westside tales. From Goa bike trails to Swiss valleys to Thai long-tails to Viennese cakes to German engineering to Ranchi ke Chinese samose to just a quick bite of Bombay that had me craving more.. So much more.
But in all of this with endless work commitments to boot, I always felt that family time gets shortchanged, prioritised over. Because they understand, I speak to them all the time, they don’t really need me right now. Hell, no. They most likely don’t. Me? Ha, you know those few dreary minutes between the end of the afternoon movie and before evening shenanigans start every Saturday? I often spend those few minutes watching mums and dads in Pepsi-Kurkure ads and when I do, I bawl my eyes out. Because it feels like detox while feeling like my life’s story.
So here I am. After eating the shit out of Ranchi, biking the shit out of Goa, and seeing R off almost nervously, I am in my parents’ house in Bombay for a whole month of complete stillness. I have not spent so much time away from R since we got married in 2009 and it is very unlike me to feel uncertain about navigating life without him. No, really. I don’t know how to be single anymore. To not have him at arm’s length to break my falls like only he can. And those falls, they happen.
But on the other hand, the prospect of just lying still in my parents’ home, 30 days and nights of living the routine they do, talking, eating, and doing things the way they were done in close quarters in the pre-2009 era of my life. It sounds comforting, perhaps just what the doctor ordered! And I am hoping this will also put an end to my Saturday twilight misery. But one can never be sure about that :)
I will keep you posted how this unfolds..