Oh hi! So I am more or less over the “dark places”. (Now I am thinking, it was probably only PMS.) And I have things to say. Not important, nothing earth shattering. Just stuff.
… Like how my 10 days with the folks went. Oh it felt like my heart was going to burst with emotion. Mostly, in pleasure. Once, well in being me. But over much food, many laughs, many, many photos, and much conversation, R’s “performances” (I keep forgetting just how funny my husband can be!), all the shopping, some traveling, and well, usually the family ganging up to be generally irreverent. Towards me. I say irreverent because I do realize that 2015 is turning out to be a year of taking things rather seriously. It’s turning out to be a year of mood swings. And nobody knows just how to cure it better than the people who surrounded me the last few weeks.
… Like is it possible for a person who loves opinions to get exhausted with the noise of opinions on social media? So much that they find themselves scrolling past everything important to get to the fluff? And refusing to engage except on closed platforms? And even controlling the urge to sly tweet/ update or bluntly asking someone to shut up? What can I say, the disdain for everything important and love for everything frivolous might just be coming back. Either that, or this is an exercise in self preservation.
… Of traditions. That have lasted all of 6 years now. Of Friday nights, music, conversation, high spirits, and us. And how protective I feel towards it. And how you reach a point where the whole world and their cousin knows about this tradition because one year into it, you ran out of excuses to get out of Friday night do’s that involved people and places. You started out by asking if it was strange. Moved to acceptance. And then to.. Well.. “That’s how it is”. So I have reached a point now where people who know me, don’t even bother to check in with me on Friday night plans :p And I am wondering, 6 years down, is it still normal? And that’s a rhetorical question. Because, 1, thanks to all my dry spells, I don’t have any readers (who engage) left who will respond/ comfort and 2, it’s been 6 years. Surely, I know the answer?
… Of this feeling of nothing going your way. See, we have reached a stage in life and work that if some minor desires don’t get fulfilled or a lot of things you really want don’t work out, it doesn’t really alter your life or state of mind drastically. That said, 2015 has been a series of such disappointments and it is beginning to make me a little queasy. Comfortable, happy even. But queasy. Not mindlessly breezy but a tad more thoughtful than usual. I don’t like it. This queasiness will go away by something a tad out of the blue, drastic, even. We are planning something drastic and it does not involve babies (disclaimer because who knows who is reading this if my stats are anything to go by). It involves every last bit of travel that our savings and wanting to keep our jobs and other adult responsibilities and of course, our social conditioning, will allow. I’d say more, but it is one of the few things that I am actually afraid of jinxing. So watch this space. But with no expectations.
… And that’s all.