There’s something eerie about today. It rained. There was sunshine. I feel quiet. I want to stay that way. I don’t want to talk. To anyone. It doesn’t mean I am angry/ sad/ depressed/ disappointed. In fact it’s been a very normal day, the kind where you wake up, get dressed, get to work, work, get ready to go home. There’s nothing extraordinary about today, although I think there was an argument brewing somewhere in the distance this afternoon. On the 4th floor, I was on 5th :)
There’s something about today that makes me take a long, hard look at life. In a quiet, yet happy sort of way. It’s almost the end of the year and while most of my Octobers and Novermbers and Decembers and even Januaries are spent cribbing over how useless the entire year has been, this year it’s going to be different. I can’t point even ONE bad thing that happened this year. I lost some friends, I found more. I lost the independence of singledom, I found the liberating feeling of being in a healthy relationship. But the smiles today are of the solitary, quiet kind.
I want to sit by the beach. Or even out in the balcony. Alone. Not in the company of friends/ husband/ colleagues. I want some peace and quiet that only being alone can bring. I don’t want to “listen” to the cricket match on TV. I don’t want to tell anyone how my day was. I want to be left alone.
I have been left alone right now, thanks to the super-understanding husband. But I am feeling guilty about it. Don’t being married and wanting to be alone ever go together? Do other married folks feel this way? Or is something seriously wrong with me? But somehow right now, I am more comfortable feeling guilty than talking!
And no. Again. I am not sad. Sometimes my larynx (and you thought I had forgotten all the class 6 biology!) needs a break too :)