It takes all kinds…

Disclaimer 1: Supremely politically incorrect post ahead. Do not read if you can’t take things with a pinch of salt. That said, do you really eat such bland food?

Disclaimer 2: I don’t like myself much for writing this post. But I had to get this out!

In the last 6 months or so, I have met a whole lot of people. All different kinds. Some I had known for years and then rediscovered. I have to say – it takes all kinds. Most people who knew me during my Bombay days would know the kind of love hate relationship I had with my ex-boss. But this is a tribute to her (point #1 explains why I am doing something so uncharacteristic), so I am going to list down the points I am trying to make in a very, very organized manner :P Here goes my classification (told you, politically incorrect!):

1. The Email and Grammar Challenged – So the one thing I learnt during my Bombay days was immaculate communication at the workplace. I won’t say I learnt, I was always OK at it (:P), but one thing I did learn was absolutely no tolerance for people who can’t write good emails, make good questionnaires, and use so much jargon that it starts to look like changing! One more time I get a sentence full of authority, written in terrible English in my Outlook, trust me I am going to hunt down the sender and torture them all the way to “Aao English Seekhein” classes in Navoday Vidyalaya in Darbhanga.

2. The Mamma’s Li’l MBAs – MBA because they didn’t deem themselves fit for a job without it. So they do it from strange sounding B schools that are just anagrams of a bigger, better schools. And they spend their prime years trying to justify that one bad decision that led them into mediocrity. And they do it by bossing around/ showing off/ giving gyaan that everyone knows already. And consequently getting avoided like plague.

3. The “Cool Singles” – This is the type you meet everywhere these days. They are not single because they want to stay that way, they aren’t single because their lives have a bigger, better purpose. They are single because their wild imagination says marriage is bad. How, you ask? They’ll mumble reasons like career, independence, freedom and all other possible synonyms. Ummmm… Some of the most powerful women in the corporate world are married. Happily so. Most of these liberated “career conscious” women have no career whatsoever to speak of. Hell, they don’t even enjoy what they do. Except on days when they want to talk you out of marriage/ happily married status. I have been unmarried too. Now I am married. I have seen both sides. And if I choose to, I can provide an entire table of pros and cons for both – strictly from my perspective. But I don’t understand how these “cool singles” know so much about marriage when they haven’t even tried it! I don’t have a problem with them. But I do have a problem with them thinking marriage is for not-so-cool people. (Someone please define “Cool”… I have tried and failed). If you have been unlucky because you haven’t been able to find someone you can have fun with, I don’t blame you. I can only sympathise. But one more time you try to talk to me about the pleasures of being single, most of which don’t even make sense, I might just strangle you to death. What’s ironic about these people is that the ones who make the loudest noise about marriage, are the ones who haven’t gone out with anyone, have never been asked out rather, and have had one night stands at the drop of a hat. Some of them have even been desperate enough to get drunk and foolish – and whose advances have been rejected by equally drunk objects of affection. Who’s uncool? Raise you hand again please! (P.S. – I am not generalizing. I know of habitually single and habitually married people – and I know fun people in both categories. It’s very subjective. My point is – if you are “uncool”, it’s about you and not your marital status.)

4. The Gyaan-givers – They are everywhere. Offices. Facebook. Emails. They know a thing or two about a thing or two. Don’t know much – that I can say. And you mention a word about what they think is their area of expertise and they will turn into a wikipedia of sorts. The only difference is, their gyaan is absolutely unsolicited. If I want to go shopping/ read a book/ switch jobs/ make a choice like career vs marriage/ watch a movie/ lose weight/ buy flight tickets and I think I need your expert comments, trust me I will ask. Until then please leave me, my inbox, and my facebook alone! (P.S.- Of late I have been feeling very strongly that facebook is soon going to be cause for a social disaster. You’ll know soon what I mean. Until then I can only stay addicted :P).

5. The Nouveau riche – Even as I write this, I am rolling on the floor just thinking about their personality traits – let all your bags have baggage tags from all the flights you’ve ever taken, hang on to them until they rot and fall off. Then use them as bookmarks. It was a flight for God’s sake! Not a space mission! Other charatceristics – take business calls on weekend outings in the middle of 10 people to let them know you are a big guy in your company; drop names of camera lenses/ countries you have travelled to/ other rich people you know. The list is not complete by any means, but that’s all I can think of right now.

6. The Obnoxious Kids – I feel old everytime I notice something and think to myself, “Kids these days!”. But the truth is, I really wonder if my parents and I really belonged to a generation so far removed from the current one, that my parents bothered to teach me a thing or two about respect for others, and more importantly, self respect. I have this niece here in Bangalore. She still has values that belong to our generation – respect and pride in self. How I wish this world had just a few more teenagers like her!

7. The (Not much of a) Big Boss – They are about 30, live with their parents, and apparently don’t get much bhaav anywhere else. So when someone in a moment of bad judgement gives them some responsibility like managing a project (you know? ;)), and these folks suddenly have the authority that comes with it (or does it?), they think they now have the right to boss people around, spend 10 minutes walking up to people’s desks to make them do some random secretarial work that would have taken 5 minutes if they had done it themselves. What’s the point they are trying to make and what they end up proving.. Well.. You know!

8. The Super Nice Ones – Yes, I am not all negative, much as this post makes me feel. I have met/ re-met some of the nicest people in the last few months. Simple, funny, downright brilliant. Some of them have the kind of energy that makes you want to give your best shot at work. Some know everything about everything. And the gyaan they give is somehow never unsolicited. Some of them – the best new generation moms ever, with a super sexy career and the cutest, most well behaved kids on earth. Now who wouldn’t want gyaan from them? Exactly!

And then there’s another category – Me and Mine. They can be silly, obnoxious, rude, short tempered, funny. They open that can of chilled beer, watch some Prison Break, and somewhere in between talk/ crib royally about the different types, or worse still, blog about them. And realise the futility of it all. And forget all about it, until the next type comes along. Then it’s time to crib again :P

Like I said… It takes all kinds :)

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