It’s been four months into 2019 and I am living the most ordinary life that an upper middle person in India does. Immediately after a glorious two weeks in Spain – full of colours, and light, and wide eyed wonder, I felt like I had walked into a minefield in January. The kind of minefield where you care a whole lot about pointless things that only the privileged and annoying bunch like ours can afford to. And that pretty much seems to have set the tone of this year. Am I complaining? Na, not really. I had a similar transformation in my late 20s, making peace with the privilege of having office politics to grapple with. The life themes I am grappling with now may have changed entirely but it remains in my nature to worry and crib and rant and call out BS when I see it. Far from complaining, really. On most days I find myself extremely kicked about most of this.
Work’s going fine. All’s good with the fam bam. I am feeling more social than I have in years. I am not complaining about too many people and opinions around me all the damn time. I wake up in the morning, sit in my corner and work. I take breaks for minor dissent – against the ruling party in ghar and in desh. I write big words for work and swing between heart emojis and cutting critique for ordinary things that happen in my ordinary life. On most days, I feel close to no strong feelings about much of this. For someone who is relentlessly tired of her own strong feelings that refuse to leave space for anything else, this insouciance deep in my heart is a welcome break.
Maybe, just maybe, 2019 is the year of ordinariness. The year of turning to information overload like I always do, but consciously choosing the information I truly care about. It’s a fair amount of work, this consciousness. It means constant mindfulness. It’s the art of taking everything with a pinch of salt, taking a deep breath. And Letting. It. Go. Maybe 2019 is the year I get to learn how to apply this work life lesson to community and personal life. Maybe this letting things go will make space for more productivity, more joy, and less angst. Maybe learning to consciously make space for joy while the world around you goes batshit crazy is what the 30s really are about. I hope to find out over the next few months.